On Endings and Lost Boys
I’m so glad that I went to law school. I ended up being a very different person than when I came in. I went from being willing to sell my soul for a few good polo ponies, to working for the government. I had worked really hard to start liking myself in college, but I wasn’t quite there yet. I still believed that I wasn’t capable of a balanced life - of success on the job and...
Anyone who knows me in the real world (or, more accurately perhaps, Facebook), knows already that I got a job! And that it was THE job that I wanted! You’re looking at (reading at?) one of the next Attorney General’s Honors Program participants. And that wordy-assed title is so so sweet to my ears. It’s the job I wanted, that I hoped for. It’s the 2-year stepping stone...
I am in a sequined dress on a bus to New York City. A sequined dress that I have worn bunched up as a shirt. Because it’s freezing on this bus and because the dress is New Year’s Eve short. And because my friend has cancer. Because she’s decided that pink is infantilizing. That a better color for this disease is sequins. And because these are the sequins I have. Because we have...
I know this is cryptic, but who the eff cares? This thing is for me, mostly. But seriously. Life is so unbelievably unfair sometimes. She does not deserve this. She’s healthy, she’s far too young. She’s training for a goddamn marathon, and she has the tiniest boobs. But she’s also so strong. And she’s taking it with such a beautiful mixture of grace and wit....
Worry less, hunt more.
Love, big and little
My sister and I left New York, where we had been visiting extended family, early last night. We drove through some horrible wintery mix, but eventually found dryer and less crowded road and sailed home. My sister and I don’t always get along. We’re different in ways that make things always seem like a battle, but that may actually have more to do with the things we have in common....
I just re-watched the first season of GIRLS. I’ve been doing a lot of procrastinating, and taking a lot of study breaks. The creator just got that crazy book deal, and some people are gushing about it, but a lot of people are talking about how selfish the pieces of her pitch that leaked sound. And it got me thinking about the show, and the girls in it. The girls of my generation - my...
I'm supposed to be a hermit during finals
What happens when a serial monogamist and a serial single-person hook up? Well, that serial single-person shaves her legs and cleans her room. But after that, who knows.
In No Particular Order, and No Filter
Things that I want: A white jean jacket; longer, fuller lashes; high heels that are both stylish and comfortable; a job where I am always learning; to lose 17 pounds; to do a pull-up; to devour new fiction over winter break; respectable grades this semester, particularly in federal courts; a polo pony (or four) and time to ride it/them; clear skin; to understand federal courts; more time; someone...
I feel like this week could not go any worse, and it’s only Monday. I misread a simple fact in the case I’m working on in my Clinic. Which means I wrote totally useless/absolutely incorrect issues and point headings for my meeting with my professor this afternoon. Which means I was flabbergasted when he pointed it out, and said that my case was simpler in one way than I thought it...
I may have bit off more than I could chew this semester. I have a crazy clinic, and a reply brief is due in a little less than two weeks. I have too many classes, and yet at the same time, not enough credits. I have the urge to get to polo as much as I can, because this year will be the last time in a long while that I’ll be able to afford it. I had an amazing job, at the government,...
You are oceans. Oceans away. You are a lighthouse, baby, you will burn out someday. You gave me love, but never hope. I am a raging fire, and you are smoke In my eyes, my eyes, my eyes. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. New computer, can’t seem to figure out how to convert my iTunes version of this song into an mp3. This’ll do for now. So go on and move on, Go on and act all strong, ...
“It’s my own fault. / I got no right / to fall apart / to fall apart. / I’t just that I’ve been thinking with my lonely little drunk/ my lonely little drunk heart.” Lighthouse - Chris O’Brien It’s been a week, and for two nights in a row, I’ve seen great reasons to stop. And I’m going to. I’m making you hold me to this, internet....
In the cab, on the way to his apartment, he said, “you just keep making the same mistake.” But for me, it’s never been a clear mistake. Because I really liked him the first time we met, when I thought that he was single and that something might happen. And then I was hurt, and didn’t want to be hurt again, so I did my best to separate myself from any feelings I had...
“Tell me something true.” “I’m captivated by your eyes. They’re haunting.” “They’re just blue.” “Ice blue. And your smile - it’s both coy and coquettish and I like it.”
Last first day
Today was my last first day of school. Or, at least I hope it will be. But the beautiful thing about the law is that this definitely isn’t the first day of the last year that I get to learn things every day. In law, that day won’t come until I retire - and I hope that a life of leisure will include learning fun tidbits along the way. I’m ready, finally, for school to be...
I told him that I loved him after an unexpected run-in with him last night. I had planned on saying it this summer, after multiple attempts to see him, and little to no response. It had made me think about how our friendship had been pretty one-sided for a while, and it was because I was trying to breathe more life into it every time I thought it was on its last leg, because I wanted him around,...
I move slow and steady. / But I feel like a waterfall.– Of Monsters and Men - Slow and Steady. This album is so incredibly good. And the vibe is exactly right at this moment.
I'm studying so hard for finals right now
YOU GUYS. I got on the Exec Board for my school’s comedy revue. We’re all responsible law students, so we’re having a transition party tomorrow night. As I’ll be on of two social coordinators next year, I’m getting the ball rolling by making delicious surprise jello shots for the party. They’re going to be poured into emptied out lime rinds! Half are going to...
Last week, before my surgery, I was so scared. I called a friend that knows everything about me, all the embarrassing horrible things, and cried to her while drinking honey bourbon and trying to convince myself that the procedure wasn’t anything serious. There was the fear that something would go wrong. That I’d have some weird reaction to the anesthesia and I’d never get to tell...
I had surgery yesterday on my neck. I’ve had a lump back there, just above my tattoo, for years, and it never bothered me until this year. But a few months ago, it grew in size, started to feel hot, and made it hard for me to turn my neck. So I went to the doctor and they told me that they could get it out. I was seriously dreading the surgery. For one, there was the whole being-in-the-face...
Has been all over the place, but it’s been really great, because I’ve thought a lot about what I want for this next year of my life. Here’s the thing: - All through 23, all I wanted was to find a boyfriend. Someone to be sickeningly sweet with, and someone who I could be completely honest with and trust and all that jazz. Right before my birthday last year, I was really upset...
She brings the glass to the kitchen. She picks up a coat that is on the kitchen...– You guys. I’m inspired as hell right now. This is from a story I wrote during my 4th year fiction workshop. I thought of it today when I was reading for my Refugee Law class, about cultural fluency, and how it can make or break a finding of credibility for asylum applicants, and how such...
Day-long bus ride. Clutching my coat and wide awake. Residual shame from the night bus to Siena the night I missed the last train. Sleeping and missing an iPod upon waking. After riding the last train to the bus station. To some little town that most probably had an m in it. Afraid that I would have to find some room to fitfully sleep in in that shady town. Crying and insisting that the...
En route to Boston
The space between my knees an the seat in front of me is too scant to hold my laptop and my copyright textbook. So for ten hours, I will devour the last half of this year’s Best American Short Stories and listen to the Miike Snow album I bought for the journey. And maybe I’ll jot some more down here if I’m do inspired, typing slowly from my iPhone.
Have become such a great person, since the high school meanness, and the college drugs. Are the one I feel safe around, the one I call when I need to work through things. Are really happy with a girl you’ve been dating for years, and I feel like I won’t ever be able to tell you how much I love you.
I had another great day. Love my duet - song is funny and I sound great singing it. I heard about an utter dream job today, and may try to look into it as a plan B if DOJ is iffy. And polo prom was rescheduled. So I might ask [LRH] again… I KNOW, but I’m not going to get all wishy washy if he can’t/doesn’t want to go. Because I’m heading to the gym because...
I’ve been bummed about this kid that can’t go to polo prom with me anymore. But three things have happened in the past 24 hours that make me feel much better about it: I got a solo in our Libel Show (a comedy revue for our law school), I’m going to start doing P90X once a friend of mine bootlegs me a copy, and I’ve asked someone else to polo prom (let’s call him...
Wear the same three flannel shirts on a rapid rotation. Are a self-proclaimed bastard. Bailed on our date. Were at the gym when I wanted to sweat out my frustration with you. Are not good enough for me. But you’re an itch I can’t seem to keep myself from scratching.
Unfortunately unavailable 2 might be available
He invited me to day drink with him on thursday. And we’re book swapping tomorrow. Roomie thinks I should employ some subliminal message shit, to gauge his interest/intent. I’m thinking Invisible Cities by Calvino, which is totally about love more than it’s about fictional cities. Thoughts?
Year of the Dragon
Belated New Year’s Resolutions, and how they’re going so far… Get back to Italy shape. I ate far too many cookies over break, and when I got back to school/when I left, I was the biggest I’ve ever been. But now I’m back in an environment where I buy my own food, so no more Oatmeal Creme Pies. I’m riding almost every day. And I feel much better already. I felt...
“But the frequency of [my story’s] rejection seems like a helpful thing to mention, given how many young and apprentice writers tear through BASS every year, as I once did, wondering how one’s work ends up so enshrined. One answer: Yell into a hole, and pretend as though you’re having a conversation. Yell long enough, and suddenly you might be.” - Tom Bissell, in...
Scalia, History, and What the Judges had for...
I’ve been preparing for my exam for Constitutional Law II: Religious Liberty, and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around a dissent by Scalia (for you kids with access to Westlaw, it’s in McCreary County v. ACLU, 545 US 844 (2005)), but also around the whole class and how I now feel about religion in the public sphere, now that I’m much more informed. The class was harder...
Last Fun Weekend of the Semester - bummer
Flirted with a 1L precisely because he looked like Dexter. Mixed with med students, and mixed well. Out with a bang. Now library for forever.
Lesson from Ponies #17
On Saturday, I went to a big law school Halloween party. It was really fun. I loved my costume, I went to a great pregame, and I spent most of the night talking to this really cute Jew”ish” guy with blue eyes and dark hair. It was a slow boil, but I definitely *thought* we were flirting. I mean, I was flirting. Nothing happened, and he peaced out early which bummed me out for a second,...
Don't Hold Grudges
My high school five year reunion was this past weekend. I had a lot to do here in the ville, so I didn’t go. And part of me was relieved. I hated high school. I’ve blamed it on my parents and I’ve blamed on the people that walked the halls with me. The people who were so busy fighting over custody hours that they didn’t even see me, and the shallow rich snobs that...
I was in my eighth grade Latin class. I went to school in Alexandria, and, believe it or not, we heard the plane crash into the Pentagon. Shortly thereafter, we were all called into the gym, and were told that a plane had just hit the Twin Towers. We went back to class. We didn’t know what any of it meant. After a second plane hit in New York, we were called back to the gym again, and...
Wore a see-through top to a party tonight, and it affected a guy whose attention I was not going for. With great tits, come great responsibility…
Wampeters come and wampeters go: "Wait, but is he... →
arenaynieve: Today two people told me that it was weird that I was dating Gym Teacher. Apparently the fact that he grew up poor and majored in Physical Education means that he is beneath me, brains-wise, and that we have nothing in common. And I mean… Yes, his family belongs to a different… I get this too. My parents met in law school, and when I went last year I went with the inkling...
Love Lust, by King Charles “Oh, lust only...
Good Luck Red Door
Is serious business. With great power…
Just had my last day at the DOJ. I’ve loved it so much. It was fantastic. Saying goodbye to everyone today, I nearly teared up!